The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was born a porn star she said
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize