Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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