Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
even my farts smell like vagina
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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