How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
