the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
