you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
