If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She bit a glass in half.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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