Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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