I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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