Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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