i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize