You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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