I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
