I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
