So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
