so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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