at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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