I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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