On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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