Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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