He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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