Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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