I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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