He uses pillows to masturbate.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
