I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Found the puke drawer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize