epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
