you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
