if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
