I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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