Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
