That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
