eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
