they need to just BURY HIM!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
