i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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