i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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