**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
