WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
