i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize