I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
