woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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