your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
