I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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