I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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