I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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