I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
