Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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