I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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