Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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