I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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