I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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