So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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