I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize