PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
