she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
