I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
