Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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