hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
