He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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