So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
