when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
