look no pants
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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