im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
