So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize