He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
