At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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