Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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