I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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