I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You're like the curious george of whores
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
