it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize