i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
