So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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