He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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