I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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