Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
