dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
