You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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