it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
