Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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