There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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