She said her name was "party"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
