so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
